My First Ayahuasca Ceremony

I was nervous all day before my first ceremony, there was anxiety in not knowing what to expect, and I was will battling with the need to control the events around me. Around 8pm we gathered in the maloca, it was dark and the moon was just a sliver. Ignacio, the Ayahuascero, prepared the medicine by singing over it and blowing mapacho smoke into it. I knew that I was about to experience something unlike I'd ever experienced before. The part of me that still wanted control was hesitant to drink all that was given to me, but I did drink the whole cup. I went back and sat on my mat and waited for Ayahuasca to come to me. When she did come to me, it was first to cleanse me. I could feel the sweat pour off of me as I sat in the darkness, then I was able to purge. It felt as though Ayahuasca gathered up all of the negativity inside me, and the purge was the physical manifestation of the negative energy leaving my body. Then my journey began.


I felt calm and relaxed as Ayahuasca lead me on my journey. I had visions of colors streaming around me, like you would think hyperspace would look like. I felt connected to everything around me, and I could feel the oneness of the universe joining us all together. But there was still part of me that was fighting, trying to control the journey. As Ignacio sang his icaros, he went to each of us and performed his healing. When he came to me, I could feel the shacapa, (a leaf rattle used by the Ayahuasceros) moving then energy around me, but I fought it, then his foot touched mine and felt something break inside me and I heard the words "I'm Free".

I was no longer fighting this journey. It was the most liberating feeling I have ever had, and I wept with joy! I was taken to an alien landscape, full of peaks and valleys, and I could feel the joy of the world on the high peaks and the sadness of the world int eh low valleys. At one point I was so overcome with sadness that I lay my head in my hands and cried for all of the loss, the loss that I had experiences over the past year, and the loss of the world.


As the medicine slowly brought me back to myself, I felt tired from this journey.  I walked back to my tambo and tried to go to sleep, but there was still work to be done.